It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
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