why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
