oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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