Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Just cropdusted the office
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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