you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
