everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
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So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
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There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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