My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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