I hope mine doesn't look like that
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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