that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize