party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
