and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
