Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
whose ass print is on the piano?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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