Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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