I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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