why didn't you poke me back
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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