You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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