five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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