My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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