Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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