4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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