soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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