In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
