paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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