If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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