lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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