nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
