but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
