Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
