I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
