Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
