does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
