I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
