I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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