We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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