i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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