Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize