I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
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This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
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we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize