If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
