so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
