She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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