so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
