I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
