I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
