cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
