And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
