I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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