oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
