btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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