Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
