one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
