There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
