I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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