It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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