Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
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so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
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We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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