i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
