I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
