i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
