Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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