Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
