i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
