forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
you made out with another girl for some wings
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