my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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