i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
