My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
