Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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