If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
