dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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